The Promise Dana Made 

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Author: Arianne Nellessen
Title: "The Promise Dana Made"
Rated: Pg-13 cause it says damnit! And I think some other stuff.
Spoilers: Lots of stuff from season six
Summary: Scully does some thinking, but what she thinks is 
not what she wants.
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully are mine and only mine, ooops, 
I mean they arent mine.  I just get mixed up sometimes. 
It's a problem I've had since I was a child.  
Actually they're Chris Carters and his crew.  
I hope you like to share Chris, cause I'll be borrowing 
Mulder and Scully alot. 
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"The Promise Dana  Made"
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  It was a cool winter afternoon.  The sun was shining brightly upon
the glistening snow.  The crisp air blew out like a trail of smoke
from my mouth, and I quickly inhale it back in, claiming it as my own.
 So few things that I can claim these days.  These dull afternoons,
reminding me of a different Dana Scully, are among the few things I
keep close to me.  There is something about walking in a field of
never ending nothingness that keeps me sane.  Yes, my life is terribly
confusing.  Sometimes so much that I break down and cry.  Out here I
only have myself.  So perfectly alone.  Only me and hundreds of feet
of snow reaching out into the horizon.  This is my time to think and
reflect upon my life without the risk of being ridiculed by my
superiors.  Dana doesn't care what people say about her, but that
leaves much to say about agent Scully.  I live two very different
lives.   
	Sometimes I pretend that I am the only one left.  Only earth 
and me. We live together in harmony, where feelings are irrelevant.  
No one to love, no one to break my heart.   It does get lonely.  
Then I go back to civilization, and reality returns.  Gradually 
I start dying inside. Damn world!  I return to agent Scully's world, 
but I long to stay here in Dana's.  Scully's world is the place I go 
to when I have to satisfy a material need.  Many times those feelings 
and needs are never fulfilled.   
       I think that maybe I grew up a little too soon.  I've.. I've 
come to expect so little from people that I always end up empty handed.  
Today I swear on this sunset that tomorrow will be different.  Things 
I want, things I need, I will no longer be denied. If I have to live
in agent Scully's world then I will be not be denied of things her
life requires.  I decide never to come here again.  I don't need
Dana's life anymore.  I am strong, and I can handle anything.  I can
handle myself, but can I handle Scully?
	Now sitting at home I question what I really want.  I tell 
myself I need him, but do I really?  Can't I live a moment without him?  
Maybe I'm not so strong.  I try not to worry, because worry is wasteful.  
I have too much waste, too much pain.  I need him to take away these
things.  I need him to give me what I need, love, companionship, and
someone to fall back on.  I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting
to be told that it's okay to breathe.  This shouldn't be the way I
feel.  I should feel content, but content with what?  The tears come
now, for no reason.  I wonder how he feels.  I'm sick of wondering.
I'm sick of stealing thoughts from him.  The sun is gone now. It
hasn't taken me with it.  It took Dana, and left me with Scully. 
Breathing in the air of her world gives me no reassurance. I begin to
think again about him. "Mulder who are you, what are you?  Who am I?"
I ask into the night, somehow expecting an answer.   At one time I
thought I knew who I was. I've always lived my life around the
guidelines of my faith.  Never giving in to society, never doing
something just to satisfy my hunger for complete and total
satisfaction.  I pray sometimes that I will just let go, and go by
what my heart says.   So God, if you're listening then so am I.  
	I'm done thinking now, I decide.  I lie awake in bed, and 
ponder where I am in life. I thought I was so far ahead, but I am so 
far behind.  My eyes slowly close as night sets in.  God watches down 
on me, so I sleep in peace.    
	Morning stabs me like a knife.  The night's peace quickly wears 
off. I painstakingly put my clothes on, choke down breakfast, and make 
my way to work.  I have not yet shaken the feeling of last night off me.
I pull into the parking lot of the Federal building.  Mulder waits
inside, I know. I slowly walk up the thick concrete stairs and put on
my armor.  I would need it today.  Every step reminds Dana that its 
time for Scully to come out.  I take a deep breathe and my day starts.
I see Mulder standing by the elevator, waiting for me.
Since when did he did start doing that? I look upon him as if we were
complete strangers.  I can tell he has something to say, but he keeps
it inside him.  He stands in front of me now, and I notice how he is
looking at me. His lips slightly parted hands in pockets, and eyes 
full of genuine concern. He knows something is wrong.  Damn you for
that Mulder.  I return his look.  I hate playing games with him, but
thats just the way we operate.  I mimic his breathing, slow and heavy.
I know he is waiting for me to say something, but I wait for him also. 
I want him to tell me that I am okay, that I am still here.  He says
nothing.  So we just stand there.  People pass by, giving us an
assortment of questioning looks. I let out a sigh, and walk away.  The
assistant director is awaiting our presence.  I hear Mulder a half of
a beat behind me.  Good, now I'm in the lead.  
	Assistant director Kursch is sitting behind his desk patiently
waiting for us.  A look of surprise is clearly painted all over his
face, as we for once, walk in on time.  
"Well, agent Scully, Mulder, what a pleasant surprise.  This day I
thought would never come.  I am truly impressed at your
non-tardiness."  He states using a tone I have never heard him use
towards us before.   I look over at Mulder and he also seems
surprised.  "Agents, I have a case for you.  It's not the best, but you
should be used to that by now."  He says, but this time in a serious
tone.  " Your flight leaves this afternoon at 1:00 for Milwaukee,
Wisconsin. The information regarding your case is in this file." 
He finishes, then hands Mulder a plain manila folder.  " Don't try to 
have too much fun."  He says as we walk out the door.  From the look
on Mulder's face as he skims through the file I can tell that we won't be 
having "too much fun". 
	"Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn it!"  Mulder yells as we walk out of 
the building.  "Come on Mulder it isn't that bad."  I state meagerly.  "What 
do you mean it isn't that bad!  This is almost laughable!"  He replies in 
a tone of frustration.  I try to keep my anger from spewing over as Mulder 
goes on and on about our case.  It was bad enough that I had to listen to him, 
but it's the fact that he takes his anger out on me.  I remember the night before, 
and earlier this morning.  I had decided that things were going to change.  Now 
I just had to put these ideas into action.   I take a deep breath, here goes. 
"Mulder." I say a pleadingly. "I mean how long do I have to put up with this! 
I've been putting up
with this long enough!" He yells obviously paying no attention to me.
"Mulder" I say louder..
"You know how long now Scully? It's been....."
"Mulder!" I yell, this time grabbing his attention.  " You know what I am sick 
of putting up with?  Do you really want to know?  You! You're not the only one
 here who is upset.  I don't like these cases any more than you do, but I'm 
not complaining. You just go on and on, and it gets sickening.  I can't stand 
it, and I wont pretend to stand it anymore!  As much as I value our friendship 
I'm not going to put up with this much longer!"
	He stares at me now silent, and I can't believe what I just did. 
Even though it felt so good to let out all that anger, I now feel a little foolish.  
Mulder just stares at me, and I can't meet his gaze.  He then speaks.
"Do you really feel that way?"
	There is so much apologetic quality in his voice that I feel like saying no.  
But I know how I really feel. "Yes Mulder.  I don't want to fight all the time, 
but that just had to be said. Theres been some strange tension between us lately, and 
we shouldn't ignore it.  I think things are going to be a bit different from now on
Mulder.  If you have something to say, say it now."   He says nothing.  I began to think
that maybe I've finally gotten through to the him, but the taste of
success doesn't last long.  I look at Mulder and feel the urge to cry. I can 
almost see tears welling in those deep hazel eyes of his.   Maybe I'm not the 
only one hurt here.  I take his hand in mine,
squeezing it reassuringly.  
"Mulder I'm so sorry.  I just, well I, I got carried away.  I was trying to be 
someone I'm not.  I wanted to feel in control, trying to get through to you how I 
felt. It's not just your fault, we can work through this together, and the assignment 
isn't that bad, I mean I get to be with you for the whole trip."  The words come out 
and I feel like snatching them back.
  Had I just told Mulder how I felt about him?  By just looking into his eyes he 
has reduced me to going back on almost everything I had pledged the night before.  
"You're right Scully, it wont be that bad." He says squeezing my hand tighter. 
"I still have you, and I intend to keep it that way.  I promise I wont get so upset 
over things like our cases anymore, well at least not around you."  He then pulls me
close to him and I lay my head on his chest.  I began to feel a bit woozy, and I stare 
into his eyes. I breathe in his aroma, and try to keep it's scent fresh in my mind.  
I know he speaks the truth.  I guess I could share a little bit of Dana with Mulder.  
As long as he can share a little bit of Fox with Scully.  Our bodies part and he
reaches for my hand and once again I give it to him.  "Let me take you home."  He
says quietly.  I look into his eyes once more.  "Okay Mulder, take me
home."  I say, hoping that maybe he means his home.  We walk slowly
hand in hand into the world, and we never look back again.  We don't look back as 
we are returned to the X-files for good, or when Agent Spender is murdered, or when 
life's little splendors slip away. 
Never.  
Dana made a promise, and she let Scully in on it.    
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             THE ENDISH
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You have no idea how long it took me to write this, so please give me some suggestions, 
because I know it still needs lots of work.
arianne :)

PS: Have any fan fic ideas for me to write about?? If so please feel free to send um to me!

 Please send all feedback to : arianne2002@yahoo.com